Monday, 4 January 2016

8 Legs. 9 Lives

I gotta talk about something. Gotta get it off my chest. Because it has been eating me up inside for months.

By a spider.
Gut wrenching I know. But for real, the amount of spider experiences I have suffered through in the last month? It's not okay! I could have died!

*WARNING* Brace yourselves. This is disturbing stuff.
I have had a black, fury, mentally deranged spider crawl across my back.
Let me set the scene. My cousin and I where on my driveway in the middle of an intense workout. Two yoga mats laid out in front of us. I lay  down on my yoga mat about to perform some glute bridges. When my little devil of a cousin screams at the top of her lungs and starts running away from me. The look on her face told me there was an axe murderer about to stab me so I too screamed and began running.
Little did I know, there was no axe murderer. But rather, a spider crawling along my back.
What occurred next was probably something slightly resembling Irish dancing as I attempted to swat the spider THAT I COULD NOT SEE from my back.
My cousin was so helpful. She screamed and cried and wouldn't go near me. She was scared. Of the spider. ON MY BACK.
At some point I managed to fling the devil spawn spider onto the ground. But I still have not recovered. I cant still feel the spider making its way up my spine.

Is this enough spider experiences for a lifetime? I thought so. But apparently not.
About a week later I met with another spider (probably seeking revenge for his friends death). This message I sent to my mother at the time of this meeting about sums it up.

Mother your sons have commited a great injustice. This morning I came head to head with a great big mother fucking fury phsycopathic spider. My attempts at taking his life lead hime to take up residence in my shoe (I love that shoe! How am I to ever where it again???) So I requested Noahs assistance in terminating the spider. He told me to get Cooper. I did but Cooper would not leave his bed. so I had to kill the phsycho spider that was plotting my murder all by myself. What sort of brothers are they? The spider had nine lives... IT REFUSED TO DIE. and my lovelly younger brothers just laughed while I screamed... You have devils for children. And evil spiders inhabiting your house.

Seriously. Spiders are the worst. I need counselling. Is there like a support group for spider victims?

So I leave you with that. Feel free to share your own lovely spider experience.

Shania Rose xx

No comments:

Post a Comment